Hibernation On Hold
by Cel Stacker
Summary: RJ has a plan to take advantage of the human holiday season. There's a big catch involved, however, that concerns Verne. Please R&R for more of the story!
1. The Announcement

I dreamed up Richard, but Over The Hedge characters and settings are copyright and trademark Dreamworks Animation LLC and M.Fry and T.Lewis. Also, all product placement trademark their respective owners.

1-

Hammie was on a frantic search from tree to shrub and to tree again. Of course, frantic was the only kind of searching he knew.

"Heather? Hey, Heather!"

As Hammie zipped by a shorter scrub bush to look under a rock too small to possibly hide a possum, Heather emerged from behind the scrub bush, only her head and shoulders visible.

"Hammie? What is it?"

Hammie whirled around. "It's big! I mean, RJ says it's big! I mean...okay, RJ wants to see us all! He says it's something big! C'mon!"

"Sure, Hammie, if you would just give me a second."

"Huh?"

Hammie looked at Heather's frown for a minute, as he heard the soft but distinct sound of running water on leaves.

"Oooohhhh...sorry," Hammie blurted, whirling around and covering his eyes with his paws. Heather giggled at the overdone show of modesty.

A minute later, Heather and Hammie were riding atop Richard, who was heading back for the family grove.

"...at least, RJ seems pretty excited, he was goin' nuts when we volunteered to go find you." Richard was explaining to Heather.

"RJ's usually excited, isn't he?"

Richard chuckled. "You got a point there."

"RJ's really freakin' out, though!" Hammie added. "He's really onto somethin' I think!"

Heather shrugged. "I guess we'll find out."

The threesome arrived at the grove as everyone was just getting together, amidst the usual chatter that took place around this time of evening. Verne was trying to get everyone settled, which reminded them of the old days.

"Okay, everyone here? Are we ready to start?"

"We're ready, Verne," said Stella. "What's goin' on?"

"I admit, I'm not sure," confessed Verne. "RJ wants to announce, probably something unnecessarily dangerous for us to do."

"Jeepers, Verne, I'm sure it's good news," Penny pointed out.

"You're right, I suppose I should give him a chance."

RJ appeared behind a rock facing the others. "Okay, you're probably all wondering why I called you here this evening."

"No! Ya think?" quipped Verne. "No more suspense, RJ. What now?"

"I appreciate the interest, Verne! This is a big proposal I'm gonna lay on you. If we handle it right, I think I can just about guarantee smooth hibernation for the rest of our lives!"

"Sounds super, RJ, just super!" Lou chimed.

"Okay, so what would this everlasting 'smooth hibernation' cost us?" Verne asked skeptically.

"I'll get to that soon enough, Vern-O! First, the perks. We've had a really great year of foraging, haven't we?"

"We sure have," said Bucky around the mouth of a straw he was using to share an orange Crush with Spike and Quillo.

"Yes, the art of this, how you say, 'heisting'? It certainly appeals to me," admitted Tiger. "I actually discovered fish by the new restaurant they constructed. Real fish! I feel so...alive..."

"Well, you folks ain't seen nothin' yet! We are coming into holiday time! That, my friends, is the motherlode!"

"Holiday time?" wondered Ozzie.

"You know it," answered RJ. "Around this time, for about three months, the humans pack away more food than you and I see in two years! That means the gleaming silver cans of treasure will have bonus goods! Just waiting there for us to pick it up, I tell ya! We will wake up next season to GUARANTEED full logs!"

"Hey, that's pretty awesome, alright," admired Richard.

"Cookies? What about cookies?" Hammie cut in.

"Hammie, you will see more cookies than you can shake a log at. All waiting just for you!"

"I'm in! I'm IN!" shrieked Hammie.

"I admit it sounds really great, RJ," said Verne. "I also notice you have yet to share the catch."

"Ah, well, it's simple really--to take advantage of it, we, kinda...havetodelaythehibernation, but after that it's smooth sailing!"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute," exclaimed Verne. "Did you just say we'd have to DELAY hibernation?!"

"Oh, did I? Heh, I guess I did."

The family regarded each other with uncertain looks. RJ rapped the rock with a five iron from the golf bag to get their attention again.

"I repeat, though, think about the score, people! We won't LOSE any sleep, and we'll have even fuller logs than we would have thought possible this time last year! Believe me, it's a small price to pay."

"Do you even have any notion of a small price?" Verne began.

"Verne, you've expressed a desire to explore your wild side a little more, an admirable goal. What better way to do the job than with a whole series of jobs?"

"It sounds like quite a lot of doing, doesn't it?" Penny observed.

"Fear not, friends. The humans are gonna do most of the work for us!" RJ laid a paw on his heart in reverence. "It's the beauty of the season. Now, here's what we do..."


	2. Thanksgiving

2-- Only a week later, Halloween night had come, and the neighborhood kids had the run of the development. RJ had made sure that the family would be just as active, to take advantage of the sugar-driven proceedings. To cross up the human kids, various approaches to the pilfering were taken by the family, who had efficiently split off into groups. Before the night was half over, there were several potato sacks worth of Jolly Ranchers, Fruit Roll-Ups, various kinds of licorice whips, a smattering of consistencies of gum, and even cookies, targeted specifically by Hammy, had been acquired. There was even a selection of fruit gained, mostly to convince Verne that the evening wasn't a waste of time. Ozzie, Heather, Stella, and Tiger about met the height of a small child by standing on each others' shoulders, and had the use of a rather elaborate goblin costume, snatched from unknown origins by RJ. He, along with Hammie, Lou, Penny, and the porcupine kids, used the general guerilla tactics to gain a score of goodies. By draping a sheet over Richard, the family found that he could pass for a convincing disguised parent. The operation pleased everyone for the most part, although Richard was bewildered by one small detail.

"They don't give out Aquapods?" he wondered aloud to RJ, who was helping him remove the sheet.

"Well, I think most kids see it as a clever way for their dads and moms to get them to drink water," RJ replied.

"Man, they have to trick 'em into drinking water? Weird."

"I just hope you're on the level about the timetable, RJ," Verne reminded him as he waddled up, tossing an orange from paw to paw as he spoke. "We really shouldn't be delaying it, especially with the kids. It isn't healthy."

"Oh, come on, Verne, health is gonna be a minor concern once the sugar rush kicks in! And that's gonna be vital in three weekends, when we have the After-Thanksgiving job on our doorstep!"

"Ooooh! What's the 'After-Thanksgiving job'?" asked Heather.

"Ladies and gents, the second of three motherlodes! You should prepare yourself to sample cuisine you've never heard of! Just waiting there for us!"

A disgruntled Hammie suddenly popped up from a plastic Halloween goody sack, obviously from the local Super-Mart. "Well, they better have more cookies!! The little chocolate bars are okay, but..."

"Speaking of not healthy," Verne grumbled.

"Verne, the timing is perfect! This is gonna work out in our favor! And Hammie," RJ put an arm around the crestfallen squirrel's shoulder. "If you can hang on for just another month or so, you will see enough cookies to fill TWO logs!"

"Oooooooo...AWESOME!" Hammie exclaimed, dancing around.

"So, what do we have to do for this, 'After Thanksgiving Sale', or whatever you call it?" Verne asked with raised eyebrow.

"Trust the 'coon, Verne. You're gonna be too busy to worry!" In that respect, RJ was just as good as his word. The Thanksgiving job began at approximately 8PM that night, considering that the 8:00 rule concerning garbage was still in force for the development. RJ did permit a daytime rest for the family, since they would need as much moonlight as they could snatch to hit the tall, silver cans. There was more than enough to do: between rather healthy (or unhealthy, as the case was) portions of leftovers and scraps of various kinds. They found quarter-full cans of chicken broth, leavenings of everything from stuffing to cranberry sauce (a favorite of Hammie's) to steamed greens, and even samplings of pumpkin pie filling, that Bucky, Spike, and Quillo simply fell in love with. The family had now become so efficient at heists, that hardly any sound was heard, and barely a trace that they had hit the cans was left. Even a slight incident involving Nugent and two large turkey bones failed to stir any commotioin. Even Verne found himself impressed--particularly for the fact that they had managed to come away with great quantities of something other than junk food. They had managed to finish up in the space of only five hours, and prepared to celebrate with a slightly-more-than-modest feast. As they were seated around a large stump, with only about a tenth of the haul before them, RJ was filling them in on the details of how the humans managed the feast.

"First, a moment of silence, to worship, the food."

Everyone bowed their heads in revered silence for exactly one minute. Then RJ broke the silence.

"Good drink, good meat, good God, let's eat!"

"Uh, just one minute, everyone," Verne tapped the side of his can of CranApple Delight with a plastic spoon, as if preparing a toast. Everyone raised cans of various beverages. "As we know, RJ landed into our family with...more than a little turbulence, but I want to take this opportunity to speak my appreciation for his know-how and drive in making sure we're fully supplied for the season, and then some! He has really come through, so, to RJ!"

"To RJ!" repeated the family, clinking cans all around. RJ's lower lip quivered with emotion.

"Thanks, you guys...Verne. That was really nice."

"Heh, well, don't get used to it." Verne shrugged. "If Christmas is anything like this, I'll begin to think any food problems we've had will be a permanent thing of the past."

"Verne, Christmas is just gonna knock your shell off!"

Verne raised an eyebrow at him.

"Just a figure of speech," commented RJ quickly.

"Time for cookies?" Hammie asked excitedly.

"Yes, Hammie, among other things, it's the season of cookies!" assured RJ.


	3. Christmas

3 --

It was not too long before Christmas, the "season of cookies", was upon them. The entire neighborhood was decked attractively in reds, greens, and golds, with only a few tacky, overdone examples scattered over the area. Naturally, the more elaborate the decoration of a particular yard, the better for RJ's plans, since it provided more distraction for the family to take advantage of, and increased the amount of hiding places by consequence. One drawback was the sheer amount of decoration that resembled large, shiny Christmas cookies. RJ had to split his role between coordinating the jobs and assisting Verne and Stella with holding Hammie back, sometimes from both emotional and physical shock. The family were just ending the evening at a house too large and with too many pastel colors to ignore.

"Okay, gang," announced RJ, adjusting the shoulder strap of his golf bag. "Show-time!"

The family had gathered uncanny intelligence on the neighborhood, particularly in the case of security systems. The two-story cape cod they were hitting did not have the web of death that Gladys Sharp's yard once sported, but most every portal of the home itself, from door to window, was endowed with touchy triggers--even scoring a glass pane with the proper tool would set off alarms. RJ's plan paid homage to an icon of the season, a rotund old guy in a red and white suit. RJ educated the team that this fellow was rather famous for entering every home via the chimney and fireplace flu. This notion spawned numerous questions, mainly from the porcupine kids and Hammie. The suspicious squirrel made a point of stressing the importance that they beat this fellow to whatever cookies the humans might leave out for him.

By RJ's handy fishing pole, some zip wire, and paper-clip grips, they had accessed the roof quite easily. Christmas decorations atop roofs were easy targets for a zip line. The family gathered around the chimney's base, using a Santa facsimile to access the top.

Hammie briefly paced the chimney opening, scratching his head. RJ absently glanced over at him while fishing around in the bag.

"You still with us there, Hammie?"

"Okay, I can't figure out how a guy that size fits down there."

"Oh, it's the darnedest thing, you know?" RJ withdrew a grappling hook from the bag and casually attached it to the fishing pole's current strand as he spoke. "It seems that he can just put his finger up his nose, and just slips right down there, something like that. Chemical imbalance, probably."

Verne appeared as Hammie remarked, "Weeeiiiirrrrd..."

"How's this coming? I'm still having some negative flashbacks of our FIRST home invasion."

"Relax, Verne!" RJ cast the line down the chimney shaft, as if fishing. "Ozzie and Heather pulled some re-con for us. There's no one at home to catch us! Rich and the porcupine family'll warn us if they see someone coming."

With some time and effort, RJ hooked a small ring atop a black grate. He gently pulled the small iron door open, so that the family could access the flu opening. Hammie swiftly ran a second line down to the fireplace, tying it neatly to the tools off to the side, so that there would be less chance of them tracking soot into the house. With Lou, Penny, and the kids watching from each corner of the roof, RJ, Ozzie, Heather, Stella, and Verne followed commando-style down the line. As soon as they secured the area, they silenced the alarm system, then opened a dumb waiter door for Tiger to enter.

Every house the family had hit included a significant party-type spread. It was easy to take a feasts worth of goodies from each house and not have the regular tenants notice. RJ had to rein Hammie in a few times, since if left to his own devices, every cookie of every kind would leave with them. In passing the patio window, Heather giggled as Ozzie flashed a thumbs up to Richard, who winked back. He was hidden in plain sight, adorned with multi-colored lights RJ had purloined from heaven-knows-where, blending in nicely with various fake reindeer his size.

As RJ hit the refrigerator, his eyes grew three sizes. Although it was packed with food, all he saw was a sizable bottle of Cranberry Twister on the second shelf. It was just the thing to wash holiday treats down.

"Verne, gimme a hand!" RJ began scaling his way toward the red plastic decanter.

"Oh, come on, RJ! Not more Twister! I'm getting the tingle again..." Verne cradled his elbows.

"Just get ready to catch it!" RJ replied, taking position behind the prize. Verne held up a hand, signaling RJ to wait a minute. "Hammie! Can you bring a towel over here?"

"Sure!" Hammie answered from the hallway entrance. He disappeared through it, then just as quickly reappeared with a tacky, generic pink bath towel, which he and Verne stretched between them. "Alright. Ready."

"Here it comes!" RJ pushed the Twister container all too quickly off of the shelf, and it fell at such a speed that the impact tossed Hammie to the floor and sent Verne flying into the Christmas Tree. It toppled into the coffee table as Stella came around the corner with a pillowcase of loot and Tiger trailing behind. "What are you guys DOING?" she exclaimed.

"Heh. Oops, miscalculated the weight," admitted RJ. "No sweat! We got plenty of time."

RJ's outdoor walkie buzzed, as Lou could be heard speaking from it. "Hope you all are almost done! There's a car headin' down this street."

"Shoot!" RJ smacked a fist into his paw, already beginning to improvise.


	4. New Year's Eve

Your patience is appreciated. I hope this ending is worth your wait!

4--

"What's it look like, Lou?" RJ asked over the walkie, scrambling toward the tree with Hammie and Stella. They immediately began to dig through the branches and decorations for Verne.

"They're comin' to the driveway...oh boy, they're pullin' in."

Finally, Verne's head popped up out of the tangle right in front of RJ. "You just HAD to have a Twister...," he muttered, shaking away plastic pine needles.

Tiger had scooped up Stella's pillowcase as Ozzie and Heather appeared. "We should go, with alacrity," warned the father possum.

To everyone's surprise, Richard appeared at the patio door, which he had just slid open. "This way!" he called.

The gang had scrambled for the door, regrouping just outside. RJ and Verne had just finished a head count when RJ's walkie buzzed again.

"You all okay?" Lou asked.

"Yeah, yeah, we're all clear, Lou! Thanks for the heads-up!"

"Well, you all can relax, actually. That car was just turning around to go back up the street again."

An eye-rolling moment took place with the family. "Heh, okay, thanks again," RJ mused dryly. He turned to the gang. "Well, folks, it's a fine haul! We should..."

"...probably fix up their living room?" Stella suggested firmly.

"Good idea," added Verne.

"Heh, right. Clean-up time, kids!" RJ led everyone back inside.

--

Almost two weeks later, back at the grove, RJ and Hammie were wrapping up the last of the strings of lights removed from Richard after that profitable night before Christmas, as Richard looked on.

"By the way, Rich, how'd you get the patio door open like that?"

Richard simply grinned. "All I'll say is, thanks for the lock-pickin' lessons, RJ."

Just then, Bucky scampered up. "Uncle RJ! Uncle Richard! Everybody's waitin'!"

RJ clapped a paw to his head. "Oh, man! What time is it, kiddo?"

"Eleven-thirty!"

"Nearly Showtime, guys!" RJ exclaimed, as Richard already began following Bucky. Hammie drummed his fingers together. "We ARE gonna have cookies this time, right RJ?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"We got more than even YOU can eat in a year, Hammie! And tonight's special! Come on!"

Hammie zipped past RJ to the social area of the grove, almost making RJ's invitation totally unnecessary.

--

The four of them joined the rest of the family before the TV.

"Goodness, gracious, you three," Penny said. "We were sure you weren't going to make it!"

"Penny, this is one party I'll never miss," replied RJ.

"Everyone all set?" asked Verne, in his usual, managerial way.

"I am!" crooned Hammie, holding aloft a strange thermos.

"Hammie, what is that?" Verne wondered to the jumpy squirrel.

"Oh, RJ told me about this stuff! It's so great with cookies! It's...what'd you say this is again, RJ?"

RJ grinned purposely at Verne as he spoke. "Hot chocolate."

Verne blinked once, then grinned, nodding in approval. "Very clever."

"Hey! How'd you know my middle name?"

"Well, at any rate, here's to a prosperous new year." Verne raised a can of herbal tea in RJ's direction.

"Same at ya, buddy."

"Look, guys! There it is!" Heather pointed at the screen. It showed a picture of the skies over Times Square in New York, where a shiny ball of lights descended like a candy moon setting. Dick Clark's voice could be heard over the proceedings: "Okay everybody, this is it...10, 9, 8, 7..." the family joined in on the countdown right into...

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

THE END


End file.
